OMG this shit sucks!

So, last night I was playing the UFC Trainer game and good lord. I've never heard of a V-up and I'd like to forget that they exist. It sucked. The game is supposed to motivate you and so if you're doing well it says things like "Good job, keep pushing through" but I was doing really poorly and the trainer in the game was like "Terrible!! What are you doing? Get it together!"

I am NOT fond of that kind of encouragement. Even me knowing it was a game I had to turn it off because I was starting to really feel down about myself. It was horrible, I ate a HUGE bowl of Cesar salad afterwards because I was just done. It wasn't any good. I don't know what else to do. It should have stuff based on my fitness level. If I was a beginner and I put in my height and weight and during the fit test I did like 4 push ups than why the hell would you make V-Ups part of my program and expect for them to be successful? I'm discouraged.

OMG I'm feeling so hungover.

So, I had a major breakdown last night, I felt so fat and gross I just started crying at my daughters party. I didn't make the best decisions and I know that that isn't going to help but this blog really is helping me be aware of the shitty decisions I make. So I'm going to be officially ringing in the new year with a fucking head on my shoulders. Short post I know, I just need to get in the habit of writing at least once a day so that I can remember to be fully aware. I DID however start partying something crazy lol which was fun because I was worried I wouldn't have fun if I didn't drink, but I can't drink because I'm still breastfeeding my officially one year old daughter. I'm like tipping over I'm so tired.

Today is baby girls birthday!!

My daughter turns one today!! Holy crap. You know, ironically enough after I had her my body looked SO good. It wasn't until she was almost 4 months that I started putting weight back on. I don't know how that happened because literally nothing about my eating habits or exercise habits changed but *shrug*

I didn't do anything too productive yesterday. & I'm positive that this little blog is the reason that I'm not ambivalent about it. I had a small bowl of rice and beans with fish and the only exercise I did all day was past midnight because as mentioned in my title my honey turns one today and since she was awake at midnight we started jumping on the bed and good Lord my heart was pumping! I might just start every workout by jumping on the bed! But I didn't continue to work out because I had to be at work extra early today, but I'll hopefully get something productive done. Will let you know tomorrow. :)

The Start Of My Worrisome Journey

So, just in time for the New Year I've decided that I'm sick of my body. It's affecting my relationship with my husband, my self image. I'm just sick of it. So I'm hoping that being conscious of a blog to follow and forcing myself to post something every day I'll be more aware of decisions that I make in regards to my weight loss.

I'm setting my sights pretty high, which I know is a bad idea, but I figure at the very least I'll push myself. I'm just kind of worried about my muscles clocking out for life ha ha! I'm going to be doing the 30 day abs challenge, as well as doing a 30 day program using the UFC trainer game for the PlayStation move and I'll be practicing clean eating. I'll be posting monthly pictures until I reach my goal weight. Which I think is 180 right now. I'll probably want to get down to 165 once I reach 180. As long as I'm under 200 I think I'll be okay.
 
It's kind of hard to be on top of exercising because I'm working full time, and I'm in school full time and I have a 1 year old daughter that is like harvesting the energy of 1000 suns she's so damn energetic. I've been recently considering cosmetic surgery but am trying to go the way that is definitely better for my budget. So, here are some before and after pictures, showing what I don't want to look like anymore. I'm 5' 7'' and currently weigh about 225 lbs.